


butterfly

by honeygyu



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Choi Beomgyu-Centric, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feelings, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Not Beta Read, Overworking, References to Depression, Sad Choi Beomgyu, Soft Choi Beomgyu, Sweetheart Choi Soobin, We Die Like Men, Whipped Choi Soobin, beomgyu's a lil confused about his feelings, he might be depressed, im not sure though, its not that sad dont worry, relieved crying, sleepy beomgyu, soobin is best boyfriend, soogyu, supportive choi soobin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2020-12-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:35:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27836902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honeygyu/pseuds/honeygyu
Summary: beomgyu had been feeling strange for a while now. he was at a weird in-between. he couldn't bring himself to say he was sad but nothing quite made him happy either.orbeomgyu's a confused mess of emotions and soobin is the best boyfriend🥺
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/Choi Soobin, SooGyu - Relationship
Comments: 4
Kudos: 52





	butterfly

**Author's Note:**

> lol there are no references to butterflies in this fic i just got reminded of how much i love the song butterfly by bts and made it the title LMAOOOO. its kinda cute doe🥺🦋. n e ways this is just me projecting my feelings as of late onto beomgyu's character oops💀- someone get me a soobin plssssssss🥺 also if you have any positive feedback or helpful criticism on this fic pls let me know in da comments so i can become a better writer🥰

beomgyu had been feeling strange for a while now. he was at a weird in-between. he couldn't bring himself to say he was sad but nothing quite made him happy either. he didn't _want_ to feel this way because he was a successful singer, he felt like he had so much more than most people. he had _no reason or right_ to be feeling this way and it disgusted him that he was. he had a wonderful family, the closest friends, a huge fanbase that cared about him...the list could go on. he couldn't spot the thing that was making him feel so strange and uncomfortable and it irritated him to no end. his life appeared to be great right now so why was he feeling like this? to put it simply, he was confused, and as dramatic and petty as he considered himself to be, he couldn't bring himself to talk about it to his members. he wasn't sure how they would react, if they'd even react at all. after all beomgyu didn't even know what was wrong in the first place. however, he did know that it got worse when he was alone or simply doing nothing. it gave him time to get in his head. 

which is why beomgyu was at the practice room at the moment. it was far too late at night to bother his members, and to put it quite plainly, he didn't want to talk about his little issue at all. maybe it was his irrational fear of his most disconcerting problems being overlooked by the ones he held closest, maybe not. at this point he wasn't even sure if his problem was legit or not. what if it just faded away in a few days? what if he was just being stupid and petty like always. beomgyu wasn't sure what to feel, but knew he didn't want to even think about it. which is why he was currently dancing _far_ too aggressively for 12 in the morning. to add to his already pent up feelings, he couldn't get any of the moves right. Their past few stages had been unsuccessful in beomgyu's eyes, his moves too choppy and his limbs too stiff. but he knew if he practiced hard enough he'd get it down. his father had made sure he knew that before he left for seoul. so why wasn't it working? he was practicing so hard but nothing was working out and it was far more discouraging than he could handle.

beomgyu made a move for his waterbottle, purposefully ignoring the phone sitting beside it. he didn't want to see if the members had contacted him or not, didn't want to feel guilty for not responding or get scolded for being irresponsible. yeonjun would surely beat his ass if he showed up at the dorm right now. which is why he was waiting to go back until they were all asleep. how could he bother them when they had so much on their plate as well? he didn't want to add his petty problems to the list. he just wanted to feel better and for his moves to look natural, so why the fuck was nothing working? he was getting frustrated, which ultimately meant that he needed to go back to practicing. because that would take his mind off it for at least a couple moments, that is until he would start to notice his stiff movements in the mirror. he chose to ignore that fact though and haphazardly threw his now empty waterbottle in the direction of his phone.

a few dances in and his movements were becoming lazy and harsh at the same time, his irritation and exhaustion beginning to take over. it _was_ past midnight after all. he plopped down in the middle of one of their title tracks and stared up at the ceiling blankly, the song still blaring through the speakers vehemently.

beomgyu wanted to cry to be quite blunt. but he couldn't, in fact, he had no physical urge to cry at all. he almost felt as if he was incapable of feeling emotions at this point. he couldn't cry, he couldn't just be sad, he couldn't be angry, he couldn't be happy, he was just fucking confused and stuck in this in between whirlwind of uncertainty. his shirt was sticking to his torso when he sat up. he rested his head against his arms, legs folding so his knees could meet his forearms. this position did nothing for his heaving chest but he couldn't bring himself to move. he was far too deep in his thoughts now. he wracked his brain desperately for something that made him happy. recently, nothing really did....except maybe soobin. soobin didn't exactly make him feel overwhelming happy emotions, but made him feel comfortable and content. his boyfriend had a rather calming presence about him and beomgyu never asked more of him. he never _needed_ more of him-except maybe now. he knew he should talk to soobin about this, even if he wasn't sure what his problem even was, because through it all soobin was his boyfriend and he should feel comfortable enough to tell him how he's feeling. thats just how relationships worked. 

however, returning to square 1, beomgyu couldn't help but feel his situation was a bit different. they were in the middle of a comeback, the most hectic schedule for a good period of time, and soobin was the group's leader, which meant he bore the brunt of it all. he was probably exhausted and here beomgyu was moping about his life. how could he add his petty feelings to his boyfriend's plate? 

as if on cue, beomgyu's thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the practice room door swinging open. beomgyu didn't even bother to look up from his position, feeling even more terrible now knowing that somebody had come to find him.

"beomgyu? oh my god why weren't you answering your phone? you had me and yeonjun so worried. you cant just- beomgyu?" soobin was stuttering over his words. beomgyu could practically hear his boyfriend coming to terms with the fact that he looked absolutely pathetic curled up on the floor with the music blasting tastelessly through the speakers. thankfully, a few moments later, the music was abruptly turned off and beomgyu could now hear soobin's footsteps coming closer. 

"hey are you okay? are you hurt?" soobin's voice called out gently.

beomgyu internally groaned. this wasn't how he wanted things to happen. as much as his "damsel in distress" complex was enjoying this, he really didn't want to put any more weight on his boyfriend's shoulders. he couldn't bear to be the one who made soobin fall apart.

"gyu? baby what's wrong?" but soobin was sweet and kind and would always save him no matter the circumstance. he wouldn't physically let beomgyu hold back his emotions on his behalf. soobin cared about him just as much as beomgyu returned it and thats ultimately what made beomgyu let go.

"i....i dont know. i just... i can't even explain it." he really couldn't. how can he explain to his boyfriend that he's not sad but not happy but is also so irritated yet can't cry all at the same time. none of it makes sense to beomgyu so how would it make sense to soobin?

"hey thats alright, you dont have to explain anything you dont want too-"

"no no thats not what i mean, i literally cant explain it binnie. i dont know how-im so fucking confused." beomgyu was looking at his boyfriend now, slim fingers unconsciously pulling on his own hair after his spout of emotion.

soobin gently pried beomgyu's fingers from his strands and wrapped an arm around his back gently, his other hand pulling beomgyu into his embrace. "shh you're ok. we can talk about it at home. just calm down for a bit first."

beomgyu all but melted into soobin's arms at that. he was so good and slow with him when he got like this and brought a feeling of content and calm with his embrace. he nuzzled against the inside of soobin's shoulder as the other rubbed circles over his back slowly. Some time later soobin had switched to running his fingers through his hair and beomgyu was beginning to get sleepy. "can we go home now?" beomgyu whispered against soobin's shoulder, "i want to talk about it but now im getting sleepy."

" yeah lets go now, this floor's too hard on my ass anyways." soobin smiled as he untagled his fingers from beomgyu's hair and helped lift him off the ground.

beomgyu yawned as soobin wrapped his coat that had been aimlessly thrown down next to his his long forgotten phone around his shoulders.

"can i ask how long you've been practicing? you're sweaty as hell." soobin smirked as he pulled beomgyu's arms through the coat sleeves.

"mmm a few hours maybe? i don' remember," beomgyu's words slurred together tiredly.

"oh dear. what am i gonna do with you gyu?" soobin smiled as he pulled the younger forward by his coat and pressed a small kiss to his forehead.

beomgyu leaned heavily against soobin the entire walk back to the dorms. he admittedly almost tripped a couple of times, soobin somehow managing to bring him to his feet everytime. as soon as they arrived, soobin forced beomgyu into the shower with a quick "you stink" before he left to get him his pajamas. beomgyu took that as his opportunity to think about what he was gonna say. he honestly had no clue given the fact that he barely had a grasp on what was the problem in the first place. he reminded himself that it was just soobin, and they he should just say whatever comes naturally. soobin wouldn't demand he have an answer to his own problem, so what was he so worried about? they'd figure it out together. _just tell him the truth._

beomgyu and soobin were now comfortably settled on the older's bed, soobin gently combing beomgyu's hair as the younger nervously picked at his fingers.

" i can practically hear you thinking right now" soobin rubbed beomgyu's upper arm comfortingly with his free hand.

'im just not sure how to explain how im feeling.. its confusing. i've been feeling weird lately. weird like not happy but not exactly sad-maybe? i might be a little sad, but im not sure why? i have nothing to be sad about. i have all this success, and you, and the others. why should i be sad? i have no right to feel sad when others are going through hard circumstances. and i cant get any of my fucking moves right so the dance looks dumb now and im ruining it for you guys...and with all that i cant...cry. like i physically cant. i want too because it hurts keeping all these feelings inside without letting them out but i have no _physical_ urge to cry and its all just too much at once. but i dont want to overload you with all my feelings because you're our leader and you have so much on your plate right now and don't need your whiny useless boyfriend to add his stupid feelings onto it." beomgyu let out a shaky breath at the end of his rant, soobin's hand never leaving its place on his upper arm, still rubbing circles there comfortingly. his other hand pulled beomgyu around to face him.

"first of all i dont think your whiny or useless and your feelings are so _not_ stupid. your feelings are incredibly real and you are permitted to have them. i _want_ you to share them with me whenever you're feeling down like this and im glad you did this time, even though it took a bit of convincing. im sorry that you're feeling this way baby and im sorry i didn't realize sooner. i may not know the answer to what you're feeling right now, but i do know that you're aloud to feel sad. just because you're not sure why this is happening doesn't mean you're not aloud to feel sad. you are entitled to your feelings and im still going to love you even when you're upset. also your dancing has looked so good at our last couple of stages. don't be so hard on yourself baby. you're incredibly talented and are in this group for a reason. you've never brought us down and never will because you belong here and we love you. and lastly, please dont feel like you're feelings are going to overwhelm me. i love you so much and want to work through this with you. just because im the leader doesn't mean your feelings get to be neglected. i love you gyu. so much. and im sorry you're feeling so down. will you let me help you work though it?"

this was all it took for beomgyu to break down. he wasn't sure what did the trick but he was crying like a baby now. maybe from relief or from the confusing sadness still embedded in him a bit, or maybe both. it felt so good to get his feelings off his chest and to finally be able to cry his sadness out and soobin just waited there patiently for him. beomgyu was so fucking thankful for choi soobin he didn't think it humanly possible. the older was holding him against his chest gently, one hand wrapped around his waist and the other rubbing up and down his back soothingly. beomgyu was so thankful.

"thank you so much binnie... i love you," beomgyu whispered raspily once he had calmed down a bit. still hiccuping occasionally. 

soobin continued to rub up and down his back, his other hand coming up to play with beomgyu's hair, slowly lulling the boy to sleep," i love you gyu. so fucking much."

**Author's Note:**

> thank you sm for reading!!🥰🥺 this was my first txt/soogyu fic i've written!! i've liked txt from their debut but just started biasing them recently when blue hour reminded me of their immense talent. beomgyu has been my bias since debut as well:) i rly love dat boy🥺 also can we talk about maze in the mirror🥺all time fav txt song by far✨ omg sorry for going on and on its fucking 4a.m. i need to sleep;/ n e ways thank you sm for reading and stay safe<3


End file.
